May 28th, 2013

Well it is done. We moved just over a week ago to an apartment. I thought it was going to be very hard to adjust but it turns out that things are easier here right now. A lot easier to keep a handle on the space I am dealing with and a lot less to worry about. I know my wife has a load of stress off of her now so that is always a good thing. The old saying goes "if Momma ain't happy nobody is" I find to be very accurate.  As part of this life change I am going to try to start blogging on a more regular basis.
I have noticed significant changes with my disease in the last year to probably year and a half actually. Right now I am struggling with the decision to just stop taking the statin I am on for cholesterol. I saw a heart doctor and a nutrition expert on Dr Oz talking about how cholesterol really has nothing to do with heart attack risk according to their research. Since Dr Oz is a heart surgeon I figured that he must believe it or he wouldn't have given them the national stage to present their information. I am on the atorvostatin (sp?) - Lipitor generic- which does cross the blood brain barrier and it seems like an odd coincidence to me that it is since I have been on that medicine that I have had what feels like a quicker decline. I will stay on the fenofibrate which is supposed to help with my triglycerides. Honestly it is hard for someone with a disease like mine to think they need to keep their body in tip top shape because it can mean a lot longer in the end stage which isn't pleasant for anyone. I was happy for my father when he finally got peace from passing on because he had lost all quality of life, wasn't eating, walking, talking, didn't know who anyone was and that is painful to watch for anyone that cares about the person. As a coincidence he had heart/circulation problems and he and my Mom changed their diet to a very healthy one. To me it seems like that might have been part of why he lingered in the end stage longSince I was already diagnosed it was nearly impossible for me to go see him because it would send me in to such a depressed feeling thinking that was my future. It is the main reason that I decided I wasn't quitting smoking after smoking since my teens. A doctor actually said the stress from trying to quit right now is probably more harmful than the smoking anyway. Do I care at this point about the time it is supposed to take off your life? No, that is what I am counting on actually. It is completely against my entire life's beliefs to even consider suicide so I would never do that but I also am not going to spend much time worrying about what is healthy, what isn't. I do want to get back in to exercising much more regularly just because I feel much better when I do that. I had a good routine with that for a while and then broke my ankle which put the stop to it. I haven't found the push yet to get it going but I really want to do that. Unfortunately there are many, many things that I WANT TO DO but getting them done is another story. It would be impossible for anyone without the disease to truly understand what it is like but I find it to be very common among other diagnosed people. You just can't get started on things. Well that's it for today.