Ramblings from a perfectly broken mind.

I always forget, I wonder why :-), to post to this blog. I am troubled right now because for some strange reason this disease has made or allowed me to do a lot of thinking about a lot of very serious subjects. I am much more aware of some things than I ever was in my life when it comes to world problems, politics and science to name a few. I don't know why I didn't spend much time thinking about some of these things in the past, was it because I was always so busy, was it because sometimes I was too smart, not saying that in a smug way but I never appreciated or utilized what I was really capable of in harnessing intellectual capabilities. A lot of that was due to the fact that I have suffered from ADD all my life. I realized when 2 of my 3 biological sons were diagnosed with ADD that I had the problem all my life. It was that disorder that caused me to let my mind wander aimlessly when I was trying my hardest to stay plugged in to what was going on in the classroom. I always had a very difficult time with lectures in any class. It was easier when it held more interest for me but even then I difficulty. When I was diagnosed with dementia the specialist suggested that I should be on ADD medication because he believed my ADD was exaggerating my disease symptoms. So I started Adderal. It did make a huge difference in quality of life for me. I was all of sudden able to concentrate much better on things even though my executive functions were severely damaged. To this point it is the executive functions that have taken the biggest hit. I do sometimes feel a bit dumb about situations though as I will be slow on the uptake as to whether someone is kidding or what decision to make about the situation. It is such a frustrating feeling to have challenges with things you took for granted all your life. Sometimes I think my insight in to my problems is both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes ignorance would be bliss it seems. I suppose at some point I will become ignorant of what is actually going on with my brain as that seems to be the normal course of all of these diseases. Sometimes it bothers me that  while I identify with some things others experience with these diseases I am quite atypical in how the disease attacked my brain and in the ability to see it was happening long before doctors agreed.  So atypical as I have said elsewhere that until November 2011 it was an educated guess that I suffered from atypical FTD and now it seems fairly certain that it is in fact atypical Alzheimer's Disease. The two diseases while in the same group (dementia) work differently and more is known about Alzheimer's than FTD. My neurologist says there are actually at least 4 different kinds of FTD and that at this point they have no idea how to tell which type someone has let alone any clue how to treat any of them. It is sad that since these diseases were discovered long ago that science just started more intensive research in the last decade. That is partially due to the fact that for a long time Alzheimer's was thought of a normal thing that could happen with aging. It is anything but NORMAL though and it is so important for people to understand that. While I have some slight memory problems more of my problems at this point have to do with I can only concentrate on one thing at a time so if I am not thinking of something I will not remember it timely unless there is a reminder. That is where my love of computers and electronics really did help me in that I keep everything in an electronic calendar on my PC that also syncs with my smartphone. Otherwise I would not remember what I need to do when I need to remember it. Well I am going to try to write more of my thoughts on this blog so that maybe they are preserved long after I am capable of thinking the thoughts